While pregnant on my third child, I suffered tachycardias of 250 beats a minute and was resuscitated. Three months later it happened again. Than I had a c-section, and an ICD fitted. The tachycardias continued, I received five more shocks, three in under two minutes. That was six years ago, and I am still here.Those years were hard – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Why me? I asked. I loved life. I was always on the go, I was only 38 with three small children; one a newborn whom I couldn’t care for. I felt useless, I saw people thirty years older than me doing things that I couldn’t do. I had a Cardiomyopathy, heart failure, and I sank further and further into depression. Some days I physically could not get out of bed. I seemed to go from being tired, to death, to the walking dead. I knew I had to pull myself out of it. I had three kids who depended on me. It took time. I was so full of fear from experiencing pain; so- much-pain. I couldn’t switch on a light for months, and suffered post traumatic stress, reliving the shocks every night in my sleep. I had great support from my husband, I talked to my friends, I went to a counselor, I got treated by acupuncture, massage, Reiki. Any healing art I could afford, and ate better, practiced meditation and read self-help books. Slowly I started to feel better and to heal. Someone suggested I try to write my feelings down. It helped so much. I then continued to write and guess what? Out of all that darkness, out of all that hell, I wrote a book. Not a book about my health. But a book about two American girls coming to Ireland, after one of them sees a guy on the Discover Ireland website and believes him to be her one true love. So you see. Focus on health! not illness. And when you ask yourself why me? think deeply on it. What has your illness thought you? Do you need to love yourself more? Do you need to take it easy and slow down and enjoy life? Or is it that you have a latent talent, or a calling that needs your attention. Maybe it is God telling you to WAKE UP, your special. Because I realized I never really liked myself. But now I have woken up, and realize that I am special, I am something now that I wasn’t before my illness. I am a writer!